Have you ever wished that some people were different? Do you feel that you are ‘tolerating’ the presence of few people in your life? Think about the people close to you — friends, family, mates — as well as co-workers – in what ways do you wish that people were different?

Depending on who they are, you may wish they’d stop doing things like leaving cabinet doors open in your kitchen, sending you spam messages, or being boastful. Even if it may not affect you directly, for their own sake you do wish that various people you care about were more energetic, less anxious, or less self-critical.

It’s normal to wish that others were different, just like it’s normal to wish that you, yourself, were different (e.g., thinner, richer, wiser). It’s fine to try to influence others in skillful, ethical ways. But problems come when we tip into righteousness, resistance, anger, fault-finding, badgering, or any other kind of struggle.

Every person on this earth is unique for a reason and they have full right to remain so. What would life be..if everyone thought alike??? Universe made everyone different because they all have their own role to play on this earth. They all contribute their parts into the drama of life of the various people they interact with. If they are a part of our life, for sure they have a role here also. And in a drama there are no good and bad roles….there are just roles!! And they are all important!!

If in the epic of Ramayana, all the characters are identical to Ram…thinking and behaving exactly like him, would it be interesting and worth reading? It is important to have people around with different opinions and natures as they add to our perspectives. We need to appreciate those differences rather than holding them against the individual as something wrong.

People are what they are!! They look the way they look, think the way they think, feel the way they feel, love the way they love! They are a whole complex package. Take them… or leave them. Accept them – or walk away! Do not make them feel like less of a person, just because they don’t fit your idea of who they should be and don’t try to change them to fit your mould. 

Do you hate a lion for its ferocity or a deer for its timidity? You treat both creatures equally because you understand their nature and accept them for what they are. Then why can’t you accept people as they are? Why do you complain when your parents get angry or your spouse is irritated or a child is shy?

Love and accept the people in your life..just as they are…good or bad!! This acceptance is not unspoken criticism or hard withdrawal, rather a heartfelt acceptance of someone as they are. Accepting people does not itself mean agreeing with them, approving of them, waiving your own rights, or downplaying their impact upon you. You can still take appropriate actions to protect or support yourself or others. Or you can simply let people be. Either way, you accept the reality of the other person. You may not like it, you may not prefer it, you may feel sad or angry about it, but at a deeper level, you are at peace with it.

That alone is a blessing!

Relationships are always an important part of life. And I mean all relationships – friendship, love, marriage, relationships by choice, and relationships by birth…. Each relationship in our life adds a new dimension to our personality and helps us grow. Imagine the various relationships in your life unfolding into a movie playing in front of your eyes…How do they look? Are you feeling constantly in conflict with the people you love most?? Experiencing incredible highs followed by invariable lows in your relationships?? How can you resolve these conflicts and have peaceful relationships?

Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is “Attitude”. How you view the conflict and the parties involved determines the outcome of conflict in big way. Do you see the conflict as just a difference of opinion or a blow on your ego? Do you understand the other party or are just focused on proving your point?

Most of the times we take a conflict to the level of a war of right and wrong armed with thoughts like “they don’t understand me”..”they are wrong”…etc etc etc. We assume that the conflict will end only when ‘They’ will change, so we direct all our energies to change others and make them see the ‘right’ point of view i.e. OUR point of view. If that happens..alls well and good and if that doesn’t..then we give up feeling drained out and frustrated claiming that the other person is just very stubborn. This ‘giving up’ creates resentment that creeps into our relationship and is reflected in various thoughts like…my parents never listen to me or my spouse dominates me or my siblings overshadow me and much more! These feelings eat away the beauty of the relationship that we share with our loved ones and ruin the relationship.

Can we do anything to avoid this? Or repair it if the damage is already done? The good news is..Yes!! All you have to do is to change your attitude!! Towards the conflict as well as the people involved. Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.

Understand that everyone on this earth has the right to have his/her opinion and there is no right or wrong opinion. Its just a person’s perspective of a situation based on the experiences he/she has had in life. They may or may not match with your opinion and that is absolutely fine since both of you have gone through different experiences in life. And even if you may have gone through the same experience, being different individuals you’ve assimilated them differently and thus have different perspectives – both being right in their own place. A conflict is just a difference of opinion!!! It’s not a FIGHT!! We make a fight out of it clubbing the opinions into right and wrong and setting out on the journey to make the ‘right one win’. I would like to customize a famous saying to fit into this context and say..”Conflict is inevitable…fight is optional”.

Stop the fight!!

Acknowledge the conflict and learn to accept that the other person is just different from you without getting entangled in the fight of right or wrong. Operate with the awareness and acknowledgement of this difference and you’ll see your approach to the conflict changing. The basic themes of communication, respect, curiosity, and willingness to consider alternative points of view can get you through many of life’s toughest moments with the people who matter most to you.

“In any relationship, love & acceptance is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.”