Relationships are always an important part of life. And I mean all relationships – friendship, love, marriage, relationships by choice, and relationships by birth…. Each relationship in our life adds a new dimension to our personality and helps us grow. Imagine the various relationships in your life unfolding into a movie playing in front of your eyes…How do they look? Are you feeling constantly in conflict with the people you love most?? Experiencing incredible highs followed by invariable lows in your relationships?? How can you resolve these conflicts and have peaceful relationships?
Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is “Attitude”. How you view the conflict and the parties involved determines the outcome of conflict in big way. Do you see the conflict as just a difference of opinion or a blow on your ego? Do you understand the other party or are just focused on proving your point?
Most of the times we take a conflict to the level of a war of right and wrong armed with thoughts like “they don’t understand me”..”they are wrong”…etc etc etc. We assume that the conflict will end only when ‘They’ will change, so we direct all our energies to change others and make them see the ‘right’ point of view i.e. OUR point of view. If that happens..alls well and good and if that doesn’t..then we give up feeling drained out and frustrated claiming that the other person is just very stubborn. This ‘giving up’ creates resentment that creeps into our relationship and is reflected in various thoughts like…my parents never listen to me or my spouse dominates me or my siblings overshadow me and much more! These feelings eat away the beauty of the relationship that we share with our loved ones and ruin the relationship.
Can we do anything to avoid this? Or repair it if the damage is already done? The good news is..Yes!! All you have to do is to change your attitude!! Towards the conflict as well as the people involved. Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.
Understand that everyone on this earth has the right to have his/her opinion and there is no right or wrong opinion. Its just a person’s perspective of a situation based on the experiences he/she has had in life. They may or may not match with your opinion and that is absolutely fine since both of you have gone through different experiences in life. And even if you may have gone through the same experience, being different individuals you’ve assimilated them differently and thus have different perspectives – both being right in their own place. A conflict is just a difference of opinion!!! It’s not a FIGHT!! We make a fight out of it clubbing the opinions into right and wrong and setting out on the journey to make the ‘right one win’. I would like to customize a famous saying to fit into this context and say..”Conflict is inevitable…fight is optional”.
Stop the fight!!
Acknowledge the conflict and learn to accept that the other person is just different from you without getting entangled in the fight of right or wrong. Operate with the awareness and acknowledgement of this difference and you’ll see your approach to the conflict changing. The basic themes of communication, respect, curiosity, and willingness to consider alternative points of view can get you through many of life’s toughest moments with the people who matter most to you.
“In any relationship, love & acceptance is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.”
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